Love:Mitschrift

Mitschrift

Falling in love = infatuation = limerence (Tennov)... up to 1.5-3 yrs

1. inception, usually a dramatic effect (a person becomes special). Intrusive thinking (what will the loved one think of this book), at first irregular.
2. Obsession grows: 85-100% of day/nights they are influenced by their love.
3. No idealisation but crystalisation. Stehndal → crystals are forming around a core. People are aware of lover’s faults.
4. Emotions & reactions: ecstacy and angst to loose the person.

Why do we fall in love?

1. odor lures
2. love maps/images (constructed from a young age; influenced by family etc.)
3. averageness is attractive (why? Symmetry...)
4. the chase
5. chemistry of love (→ kafka)
6. romance junkies

Liebe vs. Partnerschaft

Liebe:

• Anfang/Ende ist willentlich nicht beeinflussbar, nicht vertragsfähig
• Irrationalität
• Bedingungslosigkeit, Ansprüche sind nicht ableitbar, es wird nichts geschuldet
• Verzicht auf Gerechtigkeit

Partnerschaft:

• Willentliches Ein- und Austreten
• Vernunft, Verständnis, dauerhafte Kooperation
• Bedinungen werden ausgehandelt, Kompromisse geschlossen, Regeln festgelegt
• Anspruch auf Gerechtigkeit

3 systems in the human brain:

Helen Fisher:

• centres for lust/sex drive
• romantic love
• attachement/long-term relationship

One can feel deeply attached to a long-term partner while beeing in love with another person and feeling sexual lust towards yet other people.

SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) → +serotonine level → - dopamine levels → - romantic love (siehe Psychopathologie der Liebe ).

Changing sexual behaviour? Women more powerful, less sex in the last 20-30 years

University of Göttingen: people in relationship: 17% no intercourse in the last 4 weeks, 57% once, 25% 1-2 times

1 hypothesis: pill hormones?

number of divorce rates decrease but marriage rates as well.

Relationship fail (26.5)

v. common: infidelity. why do they stray? investigation, asked people:

1. want to get caught to patch up the relation!
2. outside fulfills (AE,BE: fulfill) needs
3. craving for drama, danger, excitement
4. want to find the perfect love outside

Broken heart syndrome

Transitions in love-sickness

1. threatening - the instability of the old identity (omits any mention of denial)
2. numbness - internal breakdown
3. negotiating - trying to keep in touch with ex partner
4. regression
5. acceptance

transitional objects_

1. oral factor - some people eat a lot, some little
2. addiction factor - alcohol, nicotine...
3. sex factor - looking for substitute + activity to satisfy desire for intimacy
4. substitution factor - increase social contacts, activity, hobbies...
   ⇒ leads hopefully to a new happy relation